I was going through all my old journals on a whim. Saw all the "Dad update" ones...

God, it's been so long...Since I updated you all on Dad. Reading the ones where I thought he'd live, where I begged...I mean, its stupid I did. Telling strangers who don't give a damn about my dad but....


It's pretty...pretty painful to read. I mean...god. My hope. It was sad..

Its odd, really, as I sit here and type this...I suppose time's really done a number on me, because, just typing the word "Dad" feels strange. I haven't said it in so long...that, it doesn't even feel like a word to me. I still remember him vividly, but, I can't remember what his voice sounded like, or, the way he smelled, or smiled...

Man, is that sobering thing...and it's all those old journal's faults. I can't bring myself to delete them...they remind me of the hope I once had.